Christmas Love

Although, It was the Christmas eve there were hardly any people on the streets of Oymyakon, a small town in East Siberia, also one of the coldest places on earth. It was a silent night except for the occasional jingle of the Christmas bells on the doorsteps of widely spaced wooden houses. The temperature was around –42 degree celcius probably the reason why the streets seemed so abandoned without even a single store opened. I carelessly tramped down the thick layers of ice beneath my heavy winter boots along with my backpack trying to search for a motel that could provide me accommodation. For two long hours I walked aimlessly hoping to find at least an open store to sleep in for the night but I couldn’t. As time passed by, the freezing wind currents cut through my skin and I started to feel nauseous. I was worried about the thought that I might actually die unable to bear the cold. I sat down on the doorstep of a closed store and lit out the last cigar I had. I made attempts to sustain the warmth of the the puff in my lungs but it was in vain. I couldn’t fight the cold anymore and passed out.

After a while, I found myself inside the grocery store which actually seemed like a home from within. I could feel the warmth of two palms across my cold cheeks. I slowly opened my eyes to find fringes of reddish brown hair randomly leaping across my face. It was when I totally regained my senses, I saw a charming feminine who had deep blue eyes that showed concern and anxiety. Her beauty was so resplendent that deep within the depths of my soul I felt that I’ve witnessed god for the very first time in life. She introduced herself as Rose in a shrill yet confident tone. Some moments in life are just designed to be perfect and this was one of them. By the time I knew that I was in love with Rose already.

“Are you feeling any better ?”, Rose asked. I said I was fine and I thanked her for saving my life and for giving me shelter. She enquired about who I was. I told her that I was an oceanographer who came down to the Oymyakon to research on icebergs of the Arctic. I also told her about how I lost my path in the wind trying to find a place to stay. “What is oceanography ? Are you one of those guys from Nat Geo who dive into the oceans ?”, she innocently asked. I laughed out hard and explained her everything about me. Upon speaking to her I have learnt that she was an orphan who makes a living by selling groceries in her house cum grocery store. The more we spoke to each other, the more we were drawn into each other. I also understood that she was deprived of being cared because of her lonely life.

“Why isn’t your Christmas tree decorated and why aren’t you wearing the best outfit on Christmas eve ?”, I asked her.

“Celebrating Christmas is all about sharing joy. To begin with, I never had a single person in life to share my joy.”, she replied in a sad tone.

“May be this Christmas is going to break the jinx.”, I replied winking at her.

She smiled cheerfully and went in to change her dress. She came out wearing a long white and black gown with artistic frills and embroidery. I was totally awestruck. Rose was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. We then decorated the Christmas tree with mesh ribbons and other left out decorative ornaments. One bottle of champagne and few pancakes were all that we had for dinner. We danced to the tunes of the Christmas Carol that played on the age old gramophone. Meanwhile there seemed to be a storm outside, the temperature was falling steeply. We piled up pieces of wood and lit a fire in the fireplace. We held hands, sat on the couch near the fire, covered ourselves with a heavy woollen blanket cuddling up. We sang songs, spoke for hours past the midnight. It was an ecstatic bliss that is hard to explain in words. I also wondered, if this was the kind of love a man and a woman shared when god first created them.

“This was the first and the best Christmas of my life.”, Rose uttered.

“To me it is not just the Christmas, This is the best night of my life.”, I replied. Tears of joy dropped down her cheeks.

In a lifeless sad tone, she said to me, “In spite of knowing that this joy would not last forever, I am very thankful to god for this colorful joyous moment in my life. Before I start worrying about the lonely colorless life that would come back to haunt me again in the next morning, I would like to make a prayer to the Lord. Can you please quote any verses from Bible that you are aware of?”.

In that moment, I realized that we truly loved each other and we were meant to be and hence I quoted the Bible verses expressing my love for her.

-- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and it never fails. Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for my love for you is as strong as the death, burning forever like a mighty flame…

And thus the Lord has endowed me with the best Christmas gift ever.

The Transition

Relishing the euphony of the piano instrumentals, I dive deep into the depths of my heart just to find nothing but void space that sees no end. Is this void space a reflection of the present or a delusion of the past ? I reckon that it is a replica of the gray colored life that I live in the present. A life filled with a multitude of desires and materialistic motives that can probably never grant true happiness to the subtle inner self. Desire for money, desire for comforts, desire for fame, many such gross desires reside in the mind but in reality, they can never be the reasons to bring a smile on my face. Is this what growing up is all about ? Losing the purity and innocence of childhood just to witness a transition into an adult who wanders the world seeking materialistic pleasures and comforts.




It intrigues me when I reminisce the thought process of my brain when I was sixteen. All that I had in mind was how to excel as a genius in Math or how long would it take for me to grow a completely grown beard ? The thoughts and desires were so pure and innocent. Yes, when I was a kid, solving complex problems in mathematics did give me great happiness. That was the beauty of childhood and adolescence, in which I did things that I loved not because I expected something out of them but because I loved doing them. In contrast to this, all that I bother now is about the outcome/results of doing a task. It happens not just with me but with majority of us. A grown adult always starts a task keeping in mind the outcome of it. For instance, majority of students study only to get a job, they desire to get into a good job mainly to earn money. They want to earn money because they want to live a comfortable life. An grown adult often finds a cause to a cause and acts accordingly to fulfill his/her materialistic desires but whereas a 7 year old kid plays cricket just for the sake of playing cricket and not because he is expecting an outcome out of the task of playing it.

I presume that this psychological transition is inevitable. I’ve restrained myself a number of times from thinking in this conventional perspective of an adult, but then I admit that I’ve terribly failed. Now, all that I think of is what am I going to do with my first salary ? or what should be my next step in life so as to fulfill all the gross and basic desires ? This sort of materialistic attitude towards living a life is something that I always loathed. If being an adult is all about trying to fulfill the gross human instinct by injecting a pure heart with desire for comforts, desire for name and fame, desire for getting laid or desire to die rich, then I would rather prefer being a child forever.

Culture, Era & Love


Father / Mother : Aren’t you ashamed of what you have done ?

Son/Daughter : Falling in love is nothing to be ashamed of.

Each one of us might have come across these lines, not just once but many times. If not in our real lives at least in those reel lives. So what is it that decides the fate of love between a girl and a guy specially in a country like India where in our ancestors and forefathers never even dared to think of love-before-marriage. Even today, most of our parents claim that to fall in love is more like a sin or at least they do not consider it something appreciable.  On the other hand, we have the younger generation who have their middle fingers pointing towards the orthodox customs and traditions followed in India. Within a single family itself, we can find a father/mother empathizing with the former notion of love whereas the son/daughter is exactly of the opposite notion. Is this what we call as the generation gap ?? If yes, what is the thing that makes this gap so significant ?? What sort of influence does this generation gap bear on the evolution of human species ??

To me, there exists an evil that is responsible for all this confusion. Ever since the independence, relations between countries have grown to an unimaginable extent by means of television, newspapers and other media. Prior to the existence of media, Indians of the medieval era remained intact with all the traditions and cultural factors that were passed on to us from our great ancestors. That is the reason why we don’t find too much of generation gap in those olden days. Ever heard of your great grandfather fighting with his dad to marry your great grandmother ?? No, you wouldn’t. That’s because there wasn’t much generation gap between them. As time passed on, the post independence period witnessed newer inventions in the field of media like Television, Internet, etc that swept away boundaries between nations and made the world shrink. I personally feel that this change had had its share of bad influence on our culture too. We, Indians have always been trying to imitate and adapt the foreign methodologies under the cover of the big word called WESTERNIZATION may be because, after the independence we no more had the the moral strength to believe in our ancient ideologies. Lest we not only invited westernization into our political and economic issues but we also waved the green flag for it to invade our traditions and culture.

It really intrigues me to think about how we have just been puppets of time unable to withstand the effects of foreign influence. Consider the genres of film made in the mid 1900’s. Films that solely dealt with subjects like mythology, fight for freedom, etc. slowly witnessed a paradigm shift towards love stories. Interestingly, the male protagonist who was deprived of the girl’s love took up a whisky bottle, hovered himself with a brown shawl and called himself as Devdas. After a decade or so, roles like Devdas were no more, the hero was then ready to fight with his rich girl friend’s father’s chamcha goondas. This trend persisted for a long time, except for few changes that are worth noticing. Since then, the silk worms started thanking the film industry as we can see that the length of the girl’s costume got drastically cut down from a saree to skirt and skirt to a two-piece suit. Adding to this, love that was limited to love letters broke bonds and reached the next level of lip locking now. This example is suffice to prove the extent of foreign influence on us.

I personally feel, the inventions in media beget more influence on our cultural aspects thus creating a wide generation gap between parents and children effecting their individual opinions in matters like love and other issues. I don’t think I would be seeing so many people around me falling in love if they wouldn’t have watched Dil to Paagal hai or some lame ass love story. One might argue with this but, to me, what I stated is a fact. Say if things like Television and Computer never existed, then how many of the youngsters would possibly know about what falling in love is ?? The worst part of the story is that we can’t really find a way to fight the influence. One is because the inventions in media like social networking never cease to stop thus making this a never ending chain reaction. And the other is that, we, youngsters are too comfortable with foreign culture rather than our very own traditions. We are reluctant to preserve or  follow what exists in our traditions and hence we widen the gap between us and the generation that precedes us.

This is why we find issues like love having different perspectives in different generations. Parents might consider falling in love as a shameless disgraceful act.We, The younger lot quarrel, oppose and hurt their feelings failing to understand that it is just a matter of cultural difference that is making them say those words. It is but natural that a person who knows nothing about love before marriage would find it embarrassing to see his/her kids getting indulged into such stuff. We, as youngsters fail to understand their emotions but think of them as being stub-born because love before marriage is something very happening and common to us. Probably we will never understand them until we get old and swap places. One fine day our very own kids will come back to us and say, “Dad !!! I am going to the striptease club to have fun.” We argue with them claiming that it is a shameless act to visit such a place but to them it would be something very common and happening at that point of time.

My Experience with the OUIJA BOARD

I was always fascinated by the existence of supernatural entities like ghosts, spirits, demons, etc..I always wished for an encounter with a spirit so that I could totally approve to my skeptical inner self that spirits are for real..And I did have an encounter with a spirit while messing around with the Ouija Board two years ago..Here is my first experience with the Ouija Board..

I would like to share with you about my own inferences regarding what exactly happens when you invoke a spirit..Well, my first experience with the ouija board convinced me that I had actually communicated with a spirit..I was so thrilled by the fact that I wished to meddle more with the Ouija Board and come out with a theory on it..Since then, Very often, me and my friends took time out from the busy daily schedule to summon spirits using the Ouija Board..These were the series of events that happened and my theoretical explanations regarding the occurence of those events..

The most fascinating part about calling a spirit is that you actually get to communicate with it, pose some questions to the spirit and get the answers from the coin that moves on the board..So if you are successful in witnessing the coin moved, you will be tempted to presume that you can get answers to all sort of questions about your past, present and future..But as far as I know, the presumption is very wrong..According to my experience, I witnessed that most of the time the coin moves on the board randomly without pointing to an answer..The chances of getting an answer for the question posed is around 4 out of 10..And again the answer depends on the type of question posed..What I observed was if a very simple question regarding the person is asked, the spirit can conveniently answer it..But some times if the questions are lame like "What is my first uncle's, second daughter's husband's name??"..The answer is obviously wrong or NO (means I dont know) or a random movement of coin..Well, If I were the spirit, I would have pointed towards the letters "F U C K Y O U"..Anyways lets get back..

Another thing that I observed is that if you call a spirit with a name, or if you wish to call the spirit of your deceased relatives or someone, the spirit always replies with the name that you called..I am sure that it isnt the spirit of a deceased relative because it never answers what your deceased relative could answer but still it replies with the name you called when you ask it about its name..So, I feel it is just a random spirit loitering around the place..Here is an another significant inference from my experience..As the number of times I invoked the spirit increased, more easily the spirit was getting invoked when I put the finger on the coin..Initially, it takes time to invoke the spirit..When few of my friends tried to call a spirit, it either came too slowly or in some cases it never turned up..But when it was me invoking the spirit, it arrived very easily..I even realized that some times, they arrived just as soon as I placed my finger on the coin..Now that made me feel weird..I wondered if they were around me all the time ??..Or is it that they favoured me invoking them ??..And sometimes, when other people around posed questions to the spirit, I used to murmer within myself that "Show this answer to that question"..To my shock, the spirit moved the coin as I had instructed in my heart..Now that was really something to bother but then I admit that I even felt great about it at a point of time..I felt like the Wizard who mastered the art of summoning spirits.. :P

Apart from this, I often felt atleast one among these two things when I invoked them..One is that the finger that I place on the coin gets cold with a sense of numbness..Other is that sometimes, I felt that my chest was getting heavier as if a weight was put on it..It was just a gut feeling though I wasnt too sure of it..All in all, I messed up with Ouija Board and invoked the spirits atleast 20 to 25 times..As time passed, I got bored of it because I was too aware of the way it worked (atleast with me) and the answers to the questions posed were also vague and sometimes wrong too..Eventually, I stopped messing around with it..

After a period of six months or so, I read a book in which there was this particular explanation about spirits being invoked with the help of Ouija Board..After reading the book and relating things with my personal experiences that I had I was able to infer some valuable things..Invoking a spirit without using safety spells and magus circle can be dangerous..When we invoke a spirit with an Ouija Board, we open the doors to an other dimension to invite the spirit..It also means that we are inviting it willingly and offering our very own body as a medium for it to communicate with us..Based on this I realized that I was actually the medium for the spirit to communicate..That was probably why I experienced this cold numbness on my finger and weight on my chest..And also what exactly do you mean by willingly offering your body as a medium to communicate ??..It means that the spirit shares its consciousness with my very own consiousness but there is always this seperation between the two consciousness..As it is me who offered my body for it to reside its consciousness, I wouldnt explicitly know its presence within me..Here lies the plot of the whole drama..It will be my finger that moves the coin on the Ouija Board but it is being moved by the consciousness of the spirit, that being the reason why my consciousness would never know that it was my hand that moved the coin..I would technically feel that the spirit is moving the coin from outside because I am damn sure that I am not the one moving it..But that it is wrong..It is the spirit's consciousness within me that moves the coin..

On the contrast the spirit would know everything about me that resides in my outter and inner
consciousness..Hence if I ask my sister's name that nobody around knows, it would immediately answer it because, the answer is within my consciousness that is accessible to it..And this is also the reason why it was able to listen to the words "Show this answer to that question" that I uttered within my inner self..A spirit is usually a feeble entity, so its consciousness is not so predominant when compared to that of us..Although it isn't a very powerful entity it sucks away the life energy/the spiritual energy of the medium which it uses for communication.. Keeping this aside, the most dangerous and the jinxed part is that when we dont draw a magus circle or use safety spells, there may be a chance of an evil spirit with a predominant consciousness entering through the opened doors of dimensions..That which we technically call as a demon..These demons arent weak entities like wandering spirits..They can very well overpower your own consciousness and take over the medium..That which we call as being possessed by an evil spirit..

So, here is everything about the logical and theoretical know-how about what happens when you invoke a spirit using the Ouija Board..And also, I would like to clearly mention that this post only aims at sharing information that will satisfy the thirst of those inquisitive brains out there..But it is not an attempt to motivate you to pick up an Ouija Board and make a mess out of it..According to me, when you wish to know something about supernatural stuff, your must necessarily possess these pre requisites..

1) An inquisitive mind and curiosity towards supernatural existence :

2) A bold and terrific mental set up

People who presume themselves as brave are fools..If you are bold, you will know it..Many a times, people consider themselves as brave and get into this supernatural stuff..In the course, they realize they don't really have the guts and end up being mental patients..So, if you are hesitant, stay away..You really need guts to accept that you don't have the guts to meddle with such things..Last but not the least, Even if you have an inquisitive mind and a terrific mental set up, it isnt suffice..You need to have this 4th dimension intelligence and knowledge base that helps to understand and interpret every minute things that happen in the summoning in every possible way and act according to the need when dealing with situations of crisis..So I suggest, you better keep your a** away from such things.. ;)

Return

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
The governor's agent bot 101 knocked the door..I quickly erased all the memories about the Aryan Warriors and fed them into the system..I replaced the memory of last night's rendezvous with a fake memory of travelling to moon..The governor's agent bot gave a red alert beep..I unlocked the metal door and the bot stepped in..It thoroughly studied every corner of my brain, added the fake memory into its database and left..I looked at myself into the mirror and asked myself, "Who am I and where is Rukia??"..A question that I put to myself everyday..All of a sudden, I heard a bot's voice uttering, "Rukia at you service, Sir"..I took a close look at it and realized that it was unlicensed..It introduced itself as Rukia which is my personal bot..It said that, I am a scientist specialized in neuro software sciences living in 43,291 A.D..It gave me a memory retention capsule saying that it contained all the details about the secret life that I live in this dark age of science..Every morning, the governor's agent bot 101 captures all the memories of people and studies them so that people don't indulge into any act against the laws of the Indiyan governor..The memories of all the citizens are collectively stored in a server that can be accessed only by the governor's personal bot 2003..I realized that I lived a secret life against those laws..So as to save myself from the eyes of the governor, I erase all my memories and replace them with fake memories..I then program my brain to ask myself "Who am I and where is Rukia" which is a password to activate Rukia, my unlicensed personal bot that retrieves all my memories from the system into the memory retention capsule..

I swallowed the capsule and all those secret memories flashed into my mind..I was the leader of the Aryan warriors, a rebel clan with 12,000 people fighting against the government run by the governor general who governed the world with their most powerful bots..I am the only living prince possessing the bloodline of the ancient Aryan warriors of Indiya..I hate the very existence of bots in the ruling system..I believed in the fact that rulers are born but not made, just like how my fore fathers ruled a prosperous India hundreds of centuries ago..The motto of the Aryan warriors is to destroy the existing ruling system of bots and to replace it with the age old King's rule..The name of this mission is "The Return of the King"..We were also responsible for the assassination of the former President of Indiya who, along with his powerful bots committed various crimes against the people..In order to achieve the mission, I had taken up neuro software sciences and invented a secret system that can store, replace and retrieve memories at a later point of time with the help of memory capsule..This system is used by all the Aryan Warriors to erase the memories of the troop meetings, missions and objectives accomplished so as to hide everything from the world..

The government was already in a chaos because of the recent assasination of the President..My dream was about to be fulfilled..The assassination of the Governor general was the final step to achieve the mission and take over the ruling system..We made up our minds to kidnap the Governor General on the skyway bridge after breaking through his security-car-Bot..The plan was perfectly designed..The key to the security-car-bot was already hacked by us because of which the Kidnap would be a cakewalk..As the bot moved up the bridge, we broke into the system and kidnapped the Governor to our hideout located 14000 meters beneath the Indiyan ocean..I presumed that the plan was a success but I was shocked to see that the hideout's location was found by the Satellite System to which the governor had cleverly intimated with the help of his personal bot 2003 during the time of kidnap..The bots were on their way to capture us..My dream was shattered into pieces..It wasn't just a dream of 12,000 people but it was a ray of hope to many citizens who suffered from the attrocities of the ruling system..

We were all captured and taken to the headquarters for being assasinated..I felt sad not because I was about to die but because my invention that was capable of replacing original with fake memories, would fall into the hands of the greedy governor who would undoubtedly try to manipulate the memories of all the citizens that are stored in the server that could be accessed only by his personal bot..My hands were tied, and a bot stood in front of me with a gun that pointed to my head..The governor general moved forward..He studied my memories that had all the details regarding the Aryan Warriors, assasin of the President and the Kidnap of Governor..Having studied all the memories he said, "Tell out your last wish??"..The two words "Last wish" stirred up my mind and unknowingly I shouted aloud, "Who am I and Where is Rukia"??..I was shocked to see that the governor stood still without an expression..He didnt instruct the bot to assassinate me either..When I was unable to comprehend the strange things happening around, I heard a voice that said, "At your service, Sir!!"..

It was Rukia marching towards me with a memory capsule..I swallowed it and the memories of the last night flashed into my mind..Last night, As soon as I knew that the hideout was found, I guessed that the governor would take over my invention and would manipulate the memories of all citizens that reside in the server that could be accessed only by his personal bot 2003..So, I forcefully retrieved the governor's memory containing the password to activate his personal bot 2003, I fed it into mine and replaced his memory with a fake password..As a result of which the governor would be unable to use his personal bot for a while..I also programmed his brain in such a way that he would stand still and speak nothing as soon as he speaks out the words "Last Wish"..I even erased my own memory of the happenings after the kidnap and fed it into my system, so that the governor would never come to know of all this that had happened even if he tried to read my memories during the time of assassination..As it was a rule adapted in the system to ask for a final wish..I programmed my brain in such a way that, Upon listening to the words "Last Wish", I would say out the password that would activate Rukia to come and fetch me the memory capsule when the governor stood still..The plan was perfect in execution..I ordered Rukia to kill the Governor..As I had the password to Governor's personal bot, I breached into the server and erased all the memories of people regarding the existence of the ruling system of bots and replaced it with a memory that they are ruled under a single Aryan King..The mission was accomplished..

Here I stand in front of all the citizens of Indiya, after obliterating the ruling system that was governed by wicked minds and heartless bots..Here I am to resurrect the royal Aryan Lineage of the emperors and to rule the people of my country not with a bot that governs but with a heart that cares..After all, the King has returned..
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Get Over It

Are you a person suffering from rejection in love??..Are you someone who finds it difficult to get over your ex??..Then this post is meant for you..People have done this before, but this is the first time I am playing a love guru on my blog..I have done this in my way..Hope it helps you, if not now, in the future atleast ;) :P

Rejection in love is certainly painful..Here are some thumb rules and facts that will help you get over the one you love(presuming that you are willing for a change)..

(1) Comprehend the fact that you aren't the only one suffering from love loss..Now how often do we see people whose love proposals are immediately being accepted??..It is only in the bollywood films that we see the easy-to-fall-in-love crap..So you better realize that every 7 out of 10 applications for love end up being rejected..Nevertheless, 2 out of the remaining 3 applications end up being torn though successfully accepted (Break up)..So, finally we get to see only 1 couple in love out of every 10 people and of course god never signs a bond that the couple will live happily for the rest of their lives..

(2) Get your ass of those romantic novels and movies..Stay away from them until you find a new interest or atleast until you are out of the trauma..The worst part of rejection or a break up is that people end up empathizing themselves as the protagonist in those lovey-dovey movies..So buddy !! If you are a boy, better realize that you aren't Landon Cartor from "Walk to remember"..And if you are a girl, better realize that you aren't Bella of the Twilight Saga..You are "YOU" for god sake..

(3) If you are into rock music, just switch your genre to death metal or mad rock..Even psychedelic rock would do..I would suggest stuff like Lamb of god or Korn..The psycho kind of lyrics and the cacophony of the electric guitars will surely stimulate your hormones and pump in some energy into the nerves..Well, even if you aren't into music, you can still give it a try..Listening to music and keeping yourself busy is lot better than sitting alone, lovestruck like a loser..
Caution: Like I already said in point 2, stay away from love songs specially the ones like James Blunt..

(4) Manipulate your feelings for him/her..I classify love into two classes..One kind of love is stimulated by beauty and the other kind is stimulated by experiences or the person's character..If you are feeling low thinking of his/her beautiful face or the wonderful hair he/she has got or some stupid stuff like that, you better have a look at the world around you once..Honestly, this is not my type of sentence but I will say it for you.."The world is full of hot chicks and cool guys"..So stop thinking about how you will miss his/her beauty..On the other hand if your love is based on the person's character, you can really try and start observing the people around you..When you watch your close friends or loved ones with deep insight, you will realize that each person has a unique character that appeals to you in a way or other..Each one of us are masterpieces made by god..When you admire all the people around you for their unique traits with an open mind, you will realize that the summation of the lovable characteristics of the one you love is probably negligible to that compared to the summation of lovable characteristics of all the people around you..

(5) Dress properly and say to yourself that you are sexy..For heaven's sake donot try to look like a depressed Devdas..Give more attention to your looks than ever before..Try to sport a new look without overdoing it..That will give you a lot of confidence..Few compliments when added will surely boost up your bruised ego..

(6) Neither should you stalk the one you love, seeking redemption nor should you totally stop speaking to him/her..Never ever pester the person to love you..When the person you love is not bothered about the way you feel, why the hell are you trying to give a fuck about him/her..Donot surrender your ego to the one you love..Try and show some attitude to him/her..In a way showing attitude will unconsciously send them a message that he/she is stupid shit and they are in the process of being flushed..But then I must say that you should not stop speaking to him/her abruptly..That might worsen your mental state..So, do speak but keep the talk casual..Don't go too personal though..So, Make sure that you are there but you never care..

(7) Try to hate him/her..Most of them would say this is impossible but you can surely make an attempt..If not in reality, atleast in your imagination..The fact that the person has consciously or unconsciously given you this much of pain, is a good enough reason to hate him/her..Just try and think of the fact that he/she is never going to stay along with you..In the years to come, he/she would be making love to a loser bitch/muddlehead..Ahem Ahem..So, stop living with him/her in your dreams and try to understand reality..When you get a hold of reality, you will see pain first..Pain will give rise to anger..Anger will give rise to hate..We are humans after all..Donot regret that you started to hate him/her..Love makes a person weak..Hatred is a stronger emotion than love my friend !! Use your hate to get over the agony..Once you get over it, make sure that you give up the hatred too..

(8) Last but the most efficient one, love the ones who love you..Understand that you give the same pain to the people who love you when you fail to understand their feelings for you..You have your parents and close friends who shower unconditional love on you more than anyone else..When you redirect your feelings for the one you love towards the ones who love you, the agony will slowly fade and all your experiences with the one you love will get added into the stack of memories in your brain..As time passes, more and more things from your daily life get added into the memory stack and at a point of time the memory buffer overflows..No matter how hard you dig deep into your brain, you will find nothing but few faint memories and experiences..One day, a cute smile will lighten up your face when you reminisce these silly and sweet experiences.. :)

P.S: Keep smiling.. :)

Wish


This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 12; the twelfth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

 Year 1841 A.D

Prince Evan Lionel sped towards the sea with the speed of wind..Fresh tears wet his face as they oozed out of his blood red eyes..His heart craved for Naomi..For seven long years Evan and Naomi were together, and shared a bond like the body and soul, that harnessed unconditional love..The bond was shattered on the night before their wedding when Naomi was poisoned to death by Evan's father for secretly being in love with the prince..Prince Evan was totally swept by the tide of agony that hit him hard..He cursed himself for not being able to protect his love..He blamed himself as the reason for Naomi's death..Out of sheer love and agony, he moved closer and closer into the sea..He knew that the pain wouldnt last long as he was going to give up his life..Within minutes, he was struggling for breath..In a way he felt happy for the last seven years of his life in the company of his beloved..But then, he realized he couldnt marry her and live a life in her company..It was the wish that was left unfulfilled..In his final moment, Evan uttered..

"NAOMI..!! Into this darkness, I come to ask of your hand once more, to be my bride..I WISH TO LOVE YOU MORE..

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Year 2010

New projects piled upon my desk..I was in desperate need to take a break from my mundane daily routine..To save myself from my personal misery, I took a leave to spend some quality time in the nearby hill station..It was in the evening that I went out for a boat ride..The boat wasnt too comfy but then the romanticism in the weather and the beauty of the place were worth watching, even if it were in a small boat..The boat sailed in..It took me around 10 minutes to find out that there was a girl sitting next to me..We exchanged a hello-how-do-you-do kind of look and started a conversation..

As the conversation grew, I suddenly realised this irresistable instinct in me to love her..Now I know this is strange..I was never a person who could be provoked so easily..Like I literally hate those love-at-first-sight-crap..I must admit that I had fallen in love with this girl (god only knows the reason why) not at the first sight but certainly after we started talking..I started comprehending the possibilities of why I was being pulled towards this girl like a magnet..Honestly, she wasnt the most beautiful girl I ever saw..She is one of those not-so-bad-looking-girls with long straight hair and sharp features..But then it is undeniable that her gestures were cute and appealed me..We spoke about many things wherein I realized that every now and then she mocked me (for fun) in a way that pricked my ego..I usually cannot stand such people but then I realized that I was stuck up in the middle of the lake, on this boat with this woman who unconsciously played with all my emotions..It was an unfathomable emotion of love that was inherently gushing out of my aura to reach her..Though I met this woman, minutes ago, I had a gut feeling that we had known each other before..Because there are hell lot of friends and people in my life who never got along with me even after knowing me for years together ..

At times, I totally forgot what she was talking about and blindly stared at her eyes with lots of love..Occasionally, as the boat sailed, her body brushed against mine..It was a great feeling accompanied by an adrenalin rush..Her touch was totally weird..Honestly, it didnt arouse me but provoked a strange feeling of warmth and love, that seemed terribly unconditional..I felt the desperate need to stay that way with her for ever and ever..However, I realized that her company wouldnt last longer..I knew that I had to express my love for her but it was totally unlike me..I was never the see-and-propose kind of guy..I was battling my thoughts about how she would react..I knew that my feelings for her were mysteriously profound, but then, any other road-side-romeo would say the same things to win a girl..Now would she think that I belong to the road-side-romeo category??..Would she ever understand my weird love for her??..Would she feel the mysterious human bondage between our souls??..What if she rejected??..What if she felt nothing like me??..

More the questions that I posed to myself, more confused I became..So I spared all these thoughts and listened to the voice of my innerself that whispered a truth..I gathered courage, took her hand into mine and blurted out,

"Please do not let go of your hand..Spare me for the weirdness..Let's get married..I WISH TO LOVE YOU MORE.."

P.S: I strongly believe that the reason behind human existence is the wish of the heart that eventually gets evolved into a desire..We see ourselves where the wish and will of the heart lies..A wish that sprouts from the bottom of the heart shall remain intact and drives the instincts of the soul till the ends of time, until and unless it gets fulfilled..
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THE MONSOON RAIN

A dark cover conquers the sky,
that condescends the fiery sun's blaze
The clouds are so full of mercy,
to enthral the earth with a monsoon shower

The Winds whisper a silent truth
while the trees rumble in accord
and the birds sing in ecstasy
Together, orchestrating a euphony to welcome the rain

Racing down the rocky terrains and mountains,
the monsoon descends to bless the farmer
When tiny droplets assail the land
the divine aroma overpowers all existence

This be the time that stimulates love,
the couples cuddle in warmth
while the lovelorn lament in melancholy
For, the season also leaves a savour of woe

Unfathomable is the splendour of monsoon rain
that alluringly provokes the poet in me
Despite the haphazard words I scribe,
unrevealed is the rain's beauty that is yet to be told

3 THINGS

Just when I was thinking that my blog was getting decayed, Nethra came up with this post and tagged me..Thanks to her..So, here goes the tagged post..

* 3 Famous Names of Mine:
1) Moah: A funny name with a funny origin..Most of my college friends call me the same..
2) VK: An abbrevation given by one of my friends pooja during +1 and +2..
3) Vamsi: If not the first and second, people call me with my own name..Some call me krishna..Some call me Mohan..

* 3 Things that Scare Me:
1) the five elements: Near death experiences enlightened me with the fact that human life is insignificant when compared to the power of nature..
2) Death: Death of a loved one is the only thing that can unleash pain of death to a person..
3) Karma: There are people who suffer a lot in life..At times, I find it scary to imagine myself in their shoes..

* 3 Things that make me Smile:
1) Company of the people I like: The more I like a person, the more I smile (unknowingly) in his/her company..
2) The innocence of childhood: Kids are pure by heart and soul..They make me smile..
3) Praise me, I will start smiling..

* 3 Things that I Love: Well, if we are talking about things here, They would certainly be
1) My lappy (not a mac book)
2) Ipod and (not the one with the bigger display)
3) My phone (Not an iphone)
yet I love em all.. :)

* 3 of my Favorite Hobbies:
1) 'Face-book'ing, if such a word exists..
2) Twitter is engaging too..
3) Certainly music.. Bereft of it, I will just be a corpse..

* 3 Beverages I drink regularly:
1) Coffee: My granny was a coffee addict..She was the one who introduced me to coffee when I was 7 yrs old..So my relation with coffee is a long story..
2) Milk: Because, Coffee is not always good for health :P
3) I love coke too..

* 3 Things that I Hate:
1) I hate anything that pricks my ego..
2) I hate the Indian Political System..
3) I hate being advised by all..Every dumb fellow talks like a philospher when giving an advise..

* 3 Things I don’t understand:
1) The concept of human existence and god..The toughest subject one can ever master on this planet..
2) Why are we enslaved to the emotions like anger, love and sex.. Emotions make a person weak.. Cant we find a way to get rid of them??
3) Being a 20 year old, I have a brain that can comprehend and construe complex topics like spirituality, ghosts, gods and stuff..Now why are my fellow mates incapable of doing that??..Am I weird or are they weird??

* 3 Things I’m doing right now:
1) Eating wafers..
2) Wondering why the script for the accordion pane was throwing a null pointer reference..
3) And yeah writing the post..

* 3 Things I can’t do:
1) I can never control the thought process of my monkey brain..
2) I can never channel my energy into one task at a time..I prefer multi-tasking..
3) I always fail to show my better half to the world..People usually end up seeing the bad half of me..

* 3 Things I think you should listen to:
1) Conscience: Coz it tells you whether you are right or wrong..We often ignore this voice within us..
2) Brain: Obviously because brain deals with decision making, taking a right decision does matter..
3) Scriptures: Whatever might be the religion of a person, he must closely follow the do's and dont's that are prescribed in the religion's scripture..(Coz we are not free fucking birds in the existence, we are bound by some laws)
P.S: Follow your heart is a lame statement..If your heart craves for a married woman, what would you do??..get over what it says and move on?? or Follow it and get punched by her husband??

* 3 Shows I watched as a Kid:
1)The popeye show: I love those kind of shows and movies in which a low profile protagonist transforms into a super hero displaying a sudden outburst of heroism..
2)Captain Planet: I love captain planet not because of captain planet but because of the five rings..I also love the way they shout out the power of the rings they possess..Wind, water, Earth, Fire, Heart..Amazing title song too..:)
3)Tom and Jerry: Initially, I hated the show, because I supported Tom but later I realized that Tom never wins..Then I started supporting Jerry..That was the time I started liking the show..:)


* 3 Things I want in a Relationship:
1)I expect that I must be more important to my lady than anyone else apart from her parents and family.
2)Understanding and Maturity: I believe that, even two poles of a magnet can be in a relationship when they are bound by mutual understanding..
3)Good looks: I don't demand for a Miss Universe..Looks get washed away with time..An averagely good looking woman with a better skin tone, well placed eyes, ears, nose, mouth is suffice..


* 3 Things of the Opposite Sex that appeal to me:
1) Flirty humor surely appeals me but in a limited quantity..An overdosage with bubbly attitude is intolerable..
2) Mental Strength: A woman's mental strength strongly drives me in..I hate cry babies..This is the reason why I prefer woman with the fire element in their Zodiac (Aries, Leo and Sagittarius)..
3) Rawness: I like rugged and raw looks..I hate make up kits and the other beauty parlor stuff..A dense forest is more appealing to me than a well maintained lawn..:P lol..

* 3 Favorite Fictitious Characters: All the three characters from a japanese anime called Naruto..
1) Naruto: I desire to live the life of a perfectionist but honestly I've never been a good person in life and I always lose the battle with the evil instincts that reside in me..My life had never been close to the way I wished it must be..But I must never stop trying..If naruto can fight the evil in him, why cant I??..
2) Jiraiya: "A person must never give up the power to believe even if his life is full of failures.."
3) Hokages of konoha: A leader must have faith in his own moral code and must fight till his last breath to protect it..

* 3 Things I like about myself:
1) I look at things in a weird perspective..This often lands me into controversial debates with those think-straight friends of mine.
2) I love my beard..It covers up all the disalignmemts and defects of my face.. :)
3) I believe that I have a multi-faceted character with two ends of extremities residing in a single me because of which people find atleast a portion of me interesting..For example: I can write a thought provoking blog post on spirituality and a kickass post on erotica as well, both at a time in two blog editor windows.. :P

* 3 Things I hate about myself:
1) The things that I do and the words that I utter in frustration cause unrepairable damage.. A monster overpowers me when I lose my nerve and I hate that..
2) God gave me many good things but I am never satisfied with what I have..
3) I hate being a slave to the laws of nature..I wanna know the underlying truth regarding the reason for existence.,

* 3 Things I’m wearing right now:
1) half sleeved tee,
2) trousers and
3) a smile on my face :)

* 2 Truths and a Lie:
Truth 1) I never ever indulged into a guy's talk involving the description of a woman's figure..
Truth 2) I am single..
Lie) I speak less because I am shy..(Rectification: Speaking less is probably an involuntary portrayal of attitude but certainly not shyness)

* 3 People I pass this TAG to: Anirudh, SivaArchana, Trishnanta

WELCOME TO HELL

I believe that life is a curse..We bear the curse of being powerless in this vast existence of space..A man is unable to his govern his life..In a particular moment he is happy, in the next moment a tragedy might overpower him..Death can swallow his life within a fraction of second..Adding to the misery, emotions make a man much more weak..I am not a man who is ready to surrender to this power..I aim to attain the limitless bounds of power and master my destiny to become the lord who governs all the existence..

People living in the village nearby call me the demon-of-the-dark..For, I have lived a life in darkness pursuing the black arts that deal with the worship of the devil..Fourteen years ago, I had abandoned my wife and family to follow the path of the devil..I left all my emotions behind and walked out of home and slowly got transformed into a heartless beast..I have transcended various levels of existence..The path of the devil is endless..The thirst for power is like a drug to me..I bear no soul..I bear no emotions..I havent slept even for a single night in all these years..My eyes dont even blink..I worship the devil in the night making blood sacrifices of animals or humans, usually those of the people from the village who tresspass near the ritual grounds..After the blood offering, the devils devour the soul of the victim and grant me their power, totally surrendering themselves to me..The soul once devoured by the devils remains in hell for the rest of the world's existence..I bear no emotions with the victim but out of mere pity I use my black art to transcend every soul that I offer to higher planes of existence in which rebirth is made possible..Unlike others who follow this path, this is the moral code that I have adapted for myself in this path..

On a new moon night, I took on the arduous task of performing a death ritual to a devil..It was a lot more difficult than the rituals I had performed before..I had to be careful with the ritual..The devils out of urge, instinct and anger, devour the soul of the practitioner if a pleasing offering was not made to them..In the midst of the ritual I realized that, there wasn't even a single animal or human nearby..The devils were just about to show themselves but I didnt have an offering to give them..I regretted that I should never have started this ritual and I thought that the devils would devour my soul..But I was fortunate that time..Out of sheer luck I found a very young teen tresspassing near the premises of the ritual..Without a second thought I plunged onto the kid and made his blood and soul offering..The devils were pleased and the ritual ended..I was granted power that was ten-folds to that of what I had attained in all these years..The next night I performed the ritual to exalt the boy's soul to higher planes but amazingly the devils didnt let go of the child's soul even if I had used all my power to do so..This never happened in all these years..I am not a man of emotions and I didnt regret the killing but I regretted the fact that I broke my very own moral code..

When I was pondering over these things in mind, I have heard wails of a woman near the ritual grounds..She cried over the bloodless torn body of the child..She seemed to be his mother..Wailing over the death of the son, she lost her senses for a moment..Crying out an eccentric laugh, She banged her head hard to the stones that lay beside her son's body and within a moment she was dead too..I moved closer to the woman's body.. I then realized that all the rituals that I had performed were in vain..They gave me power to govern the laws of nature..But the mysterious power of love was much more stronger than the powers that I had attained..She was the lady who shared my better half fourteen years ago..She was my very own wife..That made me realize my blunder that the young boy was actually the one year old kid that I had abandoned fourteen years ago..

I realized the pain of the merciless acts that I have done all these years..The pain was unbearable..I realized that I had a heart that was craving for mercy..Who would show mercy on me??..Is it the god that I had abandoned??..Or Is it the devil that I worshipped??..Or is it the soul of the humans that I sacrificed??..I desperately felt the need to be punished for my sins..This guilt will never let me live..I was sure I was going to die..But I wanted someone to kill me brutally..I wanted someone to give me the pain that I gave to my wife, son and the other victims..I showed myself in the day to the villagers and told them that I killed the people in the village who trespassed the ritual grounds..The people of the village turned red..The villagers stripped off my clothes, threw stones at my body and strangled my neck..I possessed the power to kill them all in a wink but I didn't because more the physical pain they gave me, more lighter my heart felt relieving it from the burden of killing my own son..My body was deeply wounded..For the first time in fourteen years my eyes closed..I lost consciousness..I thought I was dead but I realized I wasnt..The villagers were merciful enough to keep me alive and that pained me further more..

I lay on the ritual ground totally powerless not understanding what to do with this life..I cried for the souls I sacrificed..I cried for my wife..I cried for my son..The thought of son pained me more, his soul was still tortured by the devils in hell..That bruised my worthless heart..I stared at the drops of my blood oozing through my body..I then realized, what this blood of mine was meant for..There was only one path for me now..I had to perform a ritual..This time it is not to please the devils but to fight them, with all the power that I possess to exalt my son's soul..This was a fight to save my son..

The ritual had started..The devils were invoked..Out of the darkness, they took shapes..Their thirst for blood was overwhelming..I used all my power to exalt my son's soul from hell but it failed..I sacrificed all the power that I had attained in fourteen years but still it was in vain..I cried with pain..What could I possibly do in this moment..I closed my eyes and made a helpless prayer to god.."Oh god!! This worshipper of devil seeks mercy..I seek refuge only in you..Please show me a way to save my son's soul"..

A light illuminated within the depths of my dark heart..God gave me an answer..The answer was to offer blood for blood and soul for a soul..Within a momentary lapse, I tore the skin of my body with reckless aggression until loads and loads of blood oozed out..I offered my blood and made an appeal to the devils and got prepared to surrender my soul in order to get back my son's soul..The moment had arrived..The devils danced in exuberance and were closing in to devour my soul..I closed my eyes..The pain was excruciating but I didn't care because I never got a chance to be a good father to my son..This was my last chance to be one..

I opened my eyes to witness the devilish dark land of hell..I lived a worthless sinful life but at the cost of it, I had realized the truth that there is no power greater than love..For, it is the love for my son that will give me the strength to survive in this hell until the ends of time..

HOME & HOLIDAY


With two suitcases, two carry bags and a laptop bag I stand on the porch of my home after a gruelling semester..

Mom: Look at you!! You are thinner than the last time I saw you..
Me: You talk as if I was a wrestler before..!! It is in the genes..Dont blame me..
Mom: And look at that hair..A bird can comfortably lay eggs in it..Go for a hair cut..Immediately!!
Sister: Mom!! It is looking great..Why do you behave orthodoxly??..
Mom: (senti) I can never see my son the way I want him to be..
Me: Mom..You must actually be happy that I dint get my piercing done.. Anyways wait until my engineering finish..I will be one of those tech-puppet with a well trimmed hairdo, living a life that is bereft of jeans and blah blah blah....The word duelling continues..

This is one of those sweet conversations that gets repeated again and again, whenever I get back to holidays..

I love the holiday season..Technically most of us would do(unless and until you are desperately in love with a person who is located at some other co-ordinates on the map :P)..Tasting home food is one of the best part, specially tasting the newer version of pickles in the summer..Apart from home food, I love the pleasure of dumping my stomach with excess when I visit the restaurants..Eating excess is an essential part of the revenge that I take on the mess owner of my college who serves me with his typical can-you-eat-this?? kind of dishes..Not to forget, the savory taste of the one and only Hyderabadi paani puri after having a samosa ragda..I just love the combo..No matter how much I eat I remain skinny..Altogether that is a different mystery..

Next comes the time passing session..I switch on PC and turn on the speakers, connect to the net and then give a status update on facebook saying "BACK HOME \m/"..I turn of the speakers and close the facebook tab on my browser only on the last day of the break..Man!! Internet is such an addiction, I wake up late in the night between 2 to 5 to fully utilize the free download scheme of my bsnl plan..Internet is one end of the see saw called fun..The other end is obviously reserved for friends..I have a whole bunch of friends, who never make a phone call but still whack me in turn for not being in touch with them.."You are thinner than before??", says them all..Me being thin is the best topic of gossip with which they often mock me..But still their company is fun..Be it a game of pool, or a movie at the multiplex, or a class reunion, or a random meet at Mc-Dee..I have loads of fun with my small-bunch-of-pals..Not to forget my sister who is one of my better pals..She has always been a sweet companion..Although sometimes she gives me shivers, when she tries to experiment with the beauty parlor stuff on me..It is one of those private jokes..Adding to this, the constant visit to my granny's place is an other element that I cherish..Apart from this, I love those long chit chatting sessions with my parents with topics ranging from girls to philosophy..My family is the greatest gift I ever had in my life..Hmmmm, what else should I ask for in life??..As long as I am at my home-chweet-home, I am content with everything that I have..:)

P.S: This will be my last summer break as a student..By the next summer, I will pass out from my college, hopefully with a job in hand..I wish that this 60 days of summer will be memorable..:)

THE PROPOSAL

It had been been 8 long years after the break up..I had accomplished the task of attaining almost every single comfort in life as defined in a layman's dictionary..I have a good job..I carry a fat wallet..What not??..I have everything in life except for her..I have lived with this emptiness for 8 long years..I know that she is engaged..But I desperately need to tell her what I feel..Else there is no point in wailing over it for the rest of my life..I want her back..

I invited her for a dinner at Green Park..It was 8 already..I parked the car and went inside..To my surprise, she was not alone..She brought him along with her..Holy Shit!! I was planning a moon light dinner to win over my girl and this man in his fucking blazer came uninvited to eat the food that I had to pay for, with a bloody tag that he is engaged to her..How insane!! A re-proposal to a woman in front of her would-be..Phew!! Walking on coals could have been much better..I didnt lose heart..This was my last chance..If not now, I will lose her forever..I knew what I was doing was insane but I had to..I made a silent prayer to god and moved towards the table..

Me: Hiiiee..(felt like giving her a tight hug but settled with a hand shake)..Its been a long time..
She: Yeah..A very long time..It is sooo nice to see you..Btw..This is my would-be..(giving an akward grin)..
He: Hello..How do you do??..(with a stupid smile on his face)..
Me: yeah!! I am good..It's a pleasure to meet you..(Fuck you!!)
He: So what do you do??
Me: I work for Codelinks..(you muddlehead!! This moonlight dinner is not to answer your dumb questions)
He: Haven't heard of such a company..(sarcasm)
Me: Yeah it is not a well known company..I feel, playing lead in a less known company is better than playing slave in a well known company..
He: (sarcastic laugh)..That's nice..Btw She keeps mentioning about you every now and then..
She: Oh come on now..Dont exaggerate..(turning her eyes away from me)..
Me: Ahem!!..What does she actually say about me??..(startled and happy)
He: She says you were one of her very good friends who always cared for her..(Gives a smirk)
Me: (angry)..I am sorry you were wrong..I never cared for her as a friend..I cared for her as the one who loves..
He: Sorry What!! (baffled)
Me: We were madly in love with each other..(anger to agony)
She to me: Please stop it!! Don't...(scared)
Me to she: I am sorry I dont care about this guy here..I am in love with you..
She to me: (troubled) You see...I..I donno...(swallowing a big empty lump)
me to She: (Interrupting her) see..I am aware that you are getting married..I know that I am acting stupid but I cant help it..I still feel that you belong to me..You are one of my priced possessions..Your hazel eyes..Your lips, your smile and that curly waves on your hair..They are all mine..I just dont think that I can sit back and relax when someone is trying to grab them away from me..Well, If you think that I am doing this out of an impulsive instinct by looking at your beauty now, or something of that sort, then you are totally wrong..To be frank, you have lost most of that teen tenderness in your beauty now..You look aged..You look slightly fatter..And your hair too..It is not as lovely as it was before..But I am so obsessed with you that I can love you the same way, even when you get fatter, or when you grow older, or even when you lose all your beauty of a woman..I know I sound like a moron but let's say your face gets burned up with acid in this moment..I can bet my life that this man will walk out and break the engagement but I wouldnt..And that's because I am unconditionally in love with you..Guess what!! Even if you say you wanna marry this muddlehead, I will just walk away from here and hope with all my heart that you must be happy till the ends of time..For, that is the extent to which I can love you..

He: (Pouncing towards me) You bloody fucking bastard..!! How dare you..(punched me hard in the face and it started to bleed)..
She to he: Please I beg you stop it..(Tears rolling down looking at the blood)..
Me to he: Thanks for the punch..That made me understand that she still cares for me..You F***ing D***headed a**hole!! The only reason why I didn't castrate you was because I didn't want her to shed a tear because of me...
He: You son of a ..(pouncing back)
She: stop it!! Please both of you..!! (more tears)
Me: (pulling her closer and wiping them away) I donot know if you have realized this truth or not..God made us for each other..Even though it's been 8 years, there is a part of me that is buried in you and there is a part of you that is buried in me..I was half dead in that moment when we broke-up..I was fully dead in the next moment when I realized that it was the truth..Now, I am just making a foolish attempt to resurrect the long lost love that we shared..I wish to experience again, the bliss of holding your hand in mine while having those long walks..I wish to experience again, those lovable conversations..I wish to experience again, those cat fights..All of those sweet memories I wish to bring them back to life..For, they were the only moments in my life that reminded me that I had stayed alive since these 8 years..So my dear lady!! This is not a proposal to love me..This is a proposal to share a life with me until the last breath..MARRY ME!!


A PRAYER TO THE GUARDIAN

"Dasa bhahum trinethram cha sarpa yagnopaveethinam,
Damishtra karala vadanam ashtaiswarya pradhayakam,
Digambaram kumarancha simha vahana samsthitham,
Soolam damarugam shankam, khadgam chakrancha dharinam,
Khadgam pathram cha khadwangam pasa mangusa meva cha,
Ugra roopam madonmathamam bada vaalai,
Chandika shakthi sahitham dyayeth samhara Bhairavam"

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Agonized by the trauma of worldly emotions,
I beseech thee of eternal bliss..
Shackled by the misery of human bonds,
I surrender unto thy lotus feet..

I shalt worship the fiery Bhairava,
He who wearest a snake on his pale blue neck,
He who hath unkempt hair, who is dark skinned,
He who possesses a juvenile's naked magnificence,
He who drinks sura in the human skull,
He who walketh the graveyards with a dog like a mad man,
He who hath enraged eyes that glow with blood red flames,
He who danceth with the ghosts and ghouls,
He who hath the third eye of wisdom,
And he who is the Lord of the three worlds..

Oh Bhairava!! I am a sinner who seeks refugee in you..

With the sword of thine, behead my egoistic head,
and bathe thyself in the ocean of this sinner's blood,
sparing me the agony of rebirth..
With the third eye of thine, burn my sinful body..
Bear my ashes to ornate thy dark skin..
And bear my skull to ornate thy blue neck ..

Let the bow of thine, destroy my ego,
To put me on the path of salvation..
Let the drum of thine, dance in exuberance,
To free me of the deeds of ill karma..

what else should I ask of thee my Father??
With the consort of kali, my mother,
Welcome this son with love, into thy arms..
For, it is only thou that I seek..
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AFTER AN ECLIPSE

It was my network programming lab exam and I was busy copy pasting the code for my question..I felt a bit embarrassed and I  realized that my standards as a B-Tech graduate had fallen steeply..Then I questioned myself, "why didn't I make an effort to study??"..Well, It was because I was totally absorbed into this book called Eclipse..

Firstly the reason why I chose to read the book was because of the movie Twilight..I literally loved everything about the film and its cast (specially Kristen :P)..Although I had seen it long ago, I resisted myself from reading the novel on which the film is based..Just a couple of days ago, I replayed the films twilight and new moon in my laptop and out of impulse, I got my hands onto the third part of the twilight series book called Eclipse..well, the book was good to start off and hence I initially came out with status updates on facebook and twitter claiming that it was a good book..There was a mixed reaction from my friends..Actually few of them supported the statement and the rest almost started considering me as a gay emphasizing on the fact that it was a girly novel..Well I couldnt exactly understand what was wrong with the book unless I finished half of it..By the time I reached 100 pages or so, I started to feel a bit dizzy with this obsessed love of Edward and Bella..I felt jacob was a sigh of relief when I read the story..His emotions were technically so feasible and genuine..The most annoying part was the narration that seemed fairly awkward..I bet that, atleast 30% of the novel has sentences like "He put his lovely arms around my waist" or "He kissed me gently and slowly that washed away my pain" or something like "I could feel his cold breath" or "I hugged him and pierced myself into his stony cold chest"..lmao..who cares if Edward's chest is stony??..Goodness gracious..Even if his chest was stony, as a reader I dont have to be reminded of his stony chest a lakh times till the end of the book..Maybe the author was under the presumption that I have a bad memory or maybe she was trying to make me fantasize their romance..lol..

I patiently continued turning the pages and at a point of time the novel reached an acme..I suddenly felt that the novel was turning out be marvellous..At this point when I started liking it, I had analysed again the things that I didnt like in it..Then I tried to relate this too-much-of-intimacy thing between Edward and Bella with one crucial point that I missed out..Bella and Edward (seemed) were teens and it was their first love..This point is reasonable enough to wipe out the negativities I had about their obsessed love..First love/teen love is genuinely obsessive even in real life and that answered the overdoing of their intimacy too..Okay fair enough I continued..The mind blowing part of the story was the perfect triangle love..I had never seen perfect triangles onscreen or even in any of the books that I have read..In every triangle one person necessarily ought to have a negative side(probably to give a good ending)..But in this case, it was totally different..It had three perfect characters totally and genuinely in love with each other..I really cant stop myself from quoting this part of the book..

Edward to Jacob: “And if you ever kiss her again, I will break your jaw for her.”
Jacob to Edward: “What if she wants me to?”
Bella to Jacob: Huh??..(shocked)
Edward to Jacob: “If that’s what she wants, then I won’t object it.”

oh god!! what a triangle..!! Awesome really..:) By the time I reached the end, I joined hands with the twilight supporters..Now I am against the critics..All in all, the Edward-Bella-Jacob's love was fantastic..The final analysis of the emotional drama I went through after reading the novel is this...Usually, the people who criticise Twilight are those matured ones whose brains really can't digest the existence of unconditional sort of love and fairytale romance that exists(might exists) in the world..People who love it are the ones (like those dreamers) who do believe in such existence of unconditional fairy-tale kind of love between a man and woman..There is a big line of seperation in the way these two kinds of people think..I am of the latter kind because there is certain truth associated with what you fantasize and dream about..I personally believe in the fact that you be what you dream..So there is no harm in fantasizing about unconditional love just like that of Edward and Bella..People of the first kind usually analyze a lot on the needs and wants of what their love has to be like, and Hence it is likely that their love might turn out to be materialistic..Instead it will be a selfless love if we just go along with the natural flow of emotions from the heart..Phew!! I guess I came out with a twilight philosophy here..

Anyways, Thanks to u, Bella, Edward and Jacob!! I love you all but I will not forgive you fellas for screwing my lab exam..:-|

MAMA SAID

The concert was fifteen days ahead. We were given a chance to perform at the Kingfisher fun night event. Peter was ecstatic. Alas his dream to prove his prowess in vocals, was about to come true. I am glad that he is happy, for he is the person who recognized my talent in playing guitar and made me the lead guitarist of his band. The event was so important that it could really change my life. Mom doesn't have to work hard for a bag of pennies. She has had enough misery in life. She tired and sweat blood to feed her 20 year old son. I felt ashamed of it but I was happy that I will be able to earn money if the band gets popular. "I will not let her shed a drop of sweat again, I must give her the life of a queen." I swore to god.

As soon as the news of the event reached us, Peter and I headed straight to the practice hall. I must have called mama but I was too excited to start the rehearsal. We rehearsed for 6 hours and I left home. There was a small crowd gathered near the house gate. I realized I was too late. She had a stroke. She passed away. She left me alone on the seemingly endless pathway of life. 

People say alcohol lessens pain but it didn't. I drank like a maniac, helplessly staring at the sky, wishing that my mom would come back to scold me. But she didn't. She lived a life of misery. She had never experienced what real happiness was. She worked like a man to give me all the basic comforts. She sold her wedding ring, the last piece of jewellery left with her, to get me a guitar on my 17th birthday. The pain ruptured my aching soul. I couldn't bear the loss of my mother anymore. I cut my vein with a knife to kill myself, for I have noone else in the world other than mama..

Peter made a visit to my place on the night of mom's death. He was shocked by the oozing blood and immediately called for help. I opened my eyes to see him in the hospital. I expected him to be angry but he just said, "Take care. Get well soon. We will get an other chance." I could understand his agony. I was ruining his career too. The doctor released me after 10 days. He asked me to rest and warned me not to strain my hand. There were five days left and I headed straight to Peter's place. He was glad that I was doing well.

"Let's not waste anymore time. Only five days to go", I said..
"Are you sure about this??", he questioned me..
"The doc said I am back to normal. Everything is just fine", I lied.

The preparations were all done. I requested Peter that we perform the song "Mama said" from Metallica as the closing song for the event. I want it to be a special gift to my mom wherever she was. The big day had finally arrived. We were on the stage facing the crowd. Peter started a low hum, the noisy crowd went silent to pay attention. Peter continued the slow hum for a minute. The time has come for me. I meddled the strings of my guitar with full force as the crowd shouted with excitement. The beats of the drums accompanied my guitars and then Peter took control again. The show continued for 3 hrs. I put my heart into the guitars. I realized that I was overstraining my injured left hand. But I ignored the thought. This was for Peter. I was also sure that mom would be listening to it from somewhere. So I had to give the best of myself. On the final tone, Peter started the song "Mama said"..


Mama, she has taught me well..Told me when I was young..
Son, your life's an open book, Don't close it b'fore it's done?
The brightest flame burns quickest, Is what I heard her say
A son's heart's owned to mother, But I must find my way..
Let my heart go, Let your son grow..Mama, let my heart go...
Or let this heart be still, yeah still.....


The crowd were mesmerized by the melody and depth of the lyrics..Everything was fine expect for the strange pain that got worsened since the start of the show..I ignored the pain and sketched my mother in the heart and played the guitar harder.."Peter continued"..


Mama, now I'm coming home, I'm not all you wished of me..
But a mother's love for her son, Unspoken, help me be..
Yeah, I took your love for granted,And all the things you said to me, yeah..
I need your arms to welcome me, But a cold stone's all I see..
Let my heart go, Let your son grow..
Mama, let my heart go, Or let this heart be still..

The pain got worse..The vein was cutting open..Fresh blood wet the guitar and fell on the stage..The crowd were totally absorbed into the guitars..I remembered the warmth of my mom's hug and realized that she was no more..I shed silent tears..I felt the pain of the cut but it was incomparable to the pain that my heart was experiencing..I ignored it again and strained it further..This song is for my mommy and I won't ruin it even if it takes my life..I played the guitar harder than ever..Peter continued till the end..


Never I ask you, But never I gave..
But you gave me your emptiness, I now take to my grave..
Never I ask of you, But never I gave
But you gave me your emptiness, I now take to my grave
So let this heart be still....


The song had come to an end..So did my agony of losing mom..I helplessly fell down on the stage wondering if mama liked the song..Before I could give a second thought to it, I realized I was passing out..The last thing I remembered was the shout of the excited crowd..By the time, I opened my eyes again, "I SAW MY MOM APPLAUDING"..

COFFEE AND LIFE


I carefully sat on the wooden bench in the park with a cup of coffee in my hands staring at the crimson sunset..Sssss...The sip of coffee stimulated my hormones..It triggered too many emotions within me..

Sip 1: I was eight, playing cricket with dad..I couldn't even grip the heavy bat but still I won the game after dad gave me ten chances to bat..

Sip 2: I was fourteen..A kiddo learning biology..I was brainwashed by my friends about Life process-3 and the hormonal changes that take place in guys and girls..I looked at girls with a boy's eyes..

Sip 3: I was seventeen, cuddling across the couch with my beloved, tickling her hair, sharing intimate emotions, forgetting that the world had existed..We were in love..Truly, madly, deeply immersed in an ocean of love..

Sip 4: I was nineteen..It was the day I broke up with her..It was the day my world crashed..It was the day I forgot how to smile..I lost track of time..A part of me was already dead..Was I alive??..I really had no idea..All that was left within me was a complete numbness..

Sip 5: I was 22..Many girls had asked me out..I could never look at these girls with the same eyes with which I had seen her..Dead or alive, she was the only woman for me in this world..I lived with her memories..We still remained to be friends but I hated it..I wished that someone could listen to my silent screams of how much I loved her..Three years passed since we broke up..I grew a lot, so did my love for her..

Sip 6: I was 24..She invited me to her wedding anniversary..For the last time, I went to look at the beautiful face of my beloved..I carved her image deep into my heart with the blades of love..It wasn't an easy task to erase it..In the wedding I saw the bridegroom whisper something into her ears while she meddled with the artistic strands of her curly hair..She was not mine..I could never tickle her beautiful hair again..I cried..I wish I could die..

Sip 7: Two weeks, after her wedding, I attempted for a suicide..I opened my eyes in a hospital and witnessed all my family members in front..Mom said,"You should have killed us all before making an attempt to die..You are the sole reason for us to be alive"..I realized, I was wrong..I always cared for the one I love but gave a damn for the ones who loved me..

Sip 8: I was 27..The marriage ritual started..The girl was mom's choice..A well educated, traditional and beautiful girl..I held her hand to walk around the fire worrying about the fact that I was probably cheating on her..There is no way I could love her..

Sip 9: Six months after the wedding..We went on a honeymoon trip to New Zealand..She tried to connect with me but I could hardly speak to her..She closed in to kiss..I backed off in the midst..It reminded me of my ex..

Sip 10: I was 29..Two years passed since marriage.. By then, I could find a good friend in my wife..One night, resting on my arm, she questioned me, "I have always tried my best to keep you smiling..Why don't you look at me like a woman??..Is there a mistake of mine??..Why don't you love me??"..She wept..I could see the love for me in her tears..This was the moment..I fell in love with her..We kissed and made love..

Sip 11: I was 30..I was the father of a baby girl..I witnessed new love in life..Time flew, She crawled..She stood on her legs..She talked..She walked..She went to school..She shouted, Daadddeeeeee and kissed me but never allowed me to kiss her..She complained that my beard and moustache pricked her beautiful cheeks..

Sip 12: I was 40..I saw my lovable parents growing older..They supported me in every single moment..Now it was time for me to give a shoulder to them to rest upon..My love for them grew hundred fold..

Sip 13: I was 50..I warned the guys who troubled my daughter in matters of love..I felt insecure..My baby understood my feelings..She hugged me and said, "Dad!! you are the only man I love..I am not interested in this love games..Just show me the guy and I will marry him..You always gave me the best in life and I still believe in it..I love you dad.." Tears of joy wet my cheeks..I was a proud that my baby grew up into a woman..

Sip 13: I was 54..My daughter got married to the guy I had shown..She was a blessed child..A gift of god..I was immersed in an ocean of pain, when I acknowledged the fact that she was about to leave me..

Sip 14: I am 65 now..Yesterday night, I had a sweet and memorable, heart to heart chat with my wife..I told her about my ex for the first time..She laughed..We talked about our marriage, our love, our daughter, our 9 yr old grandson who loves us more than anyone else..It was a beautiful moment to share..A gray haired man and a gray haired woman still in love..We both fell into deep sleep..Today morning, I tried to wake her up but she didn't..She was dead already..I am too old and weak now to bear the pain of losing a loved one..She accepted me, she changed me, she loved me with her life and now she is gone..

Sip 15: This old man is totally powerless..I had witnessed enough pleasures and sorrows in life..I bend my head and surrender myself to the force of destiny, awaiting death..Now there is nothing left for me to do..

On the account of the pain and joy that I witnessed in my life, I feel that life is just like having a cup of coffee..Either good or bad, I relish each and every moment of life like a sip of coffee until I realize that "THERE IS NO MORE COFFEE TO SIP"..

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