The concert was fifteen days ahead. We were given a chance to perform at the Kingfisher fun night event. Peter was ecstatic. Alas his dream to prove his prowess in vocals, was about to come true. I am glad that he is happy, for he is the person who recognized my talent in playing guitar and made me the lead guitarist of his band. The event was so important that it could really change my life. Mom doesn't have to work hard for a bag of pennies. She has had enough misery in life. She tired and sweat blood to feed her 20 year old son. I felt ashamed of it but I was happy that I will be able to earn money if the band gets popular. "I will not let her shed a drop of sweat again, I must give her the life of a queen." I swore to god.

As soon as the news of the event reached us, Peter and I headed straight to the practice hall. I must have called mama but I was too excited to start the rehearsal. We rehearsed for 6 hours and I left home. There was a small crowd gathered near the house gate. I realized I was too late. She had a stroke. She passed away. She left me alone on the seemingly endless pathway of life. 

People say alcohol lessens pain but it didn't. I drank like a maniac, helplessly staring at the sky, wishing that my mom would come back to scold me. But she didn't. She lived a life of misery. She had never experienced what real happiness was. She worked like a man to give me all the basic comforts. She sold her wedding ring, the last piece of jewellery left with her, to get me a guitar on my 17th birthday. The pain ruptured my aching soul. I couldn't bear the loss of my mother anymore. I cut my vein with a knife to kill myself, for I have noone else in the world other than mama..

Peter made a visit to my place on the night of mom's death. He was shocked by the oozing blood and immediately called for help. I opened my eyes to see him in the hospital. I expected him to be angry but he just said, "Take care. Get well soon. We will get an other chance." I could understand his agony. I was ruining his career too. The doctor released me after 10 days. He asked me to rest and warned me not to strain my hand. There were five days left and I headed straight to Peter's place. He was glad that I was doing well.

"Let's not waste anymore time. Only five days to go", I said..
"Are you sure about this??", he questioned me..
"The doc said I am back to normal. Everything is just fine", I lied.

The preparations were all done. I requested Peter that we perform the song "Mama said" from Metallica as the closing song for the event. I want it to be a special gift to my mom wherever she was. The big day had finally arrived. We were on the stage facing the crowd. Peter started a low hum, the noisy crowd went silent to pay attention. Peter continued the slow hum for a minute. The time has come for me. I meddled the strings of my guitar with full force as the crowd shouted with excitement. The beats of the drums accompanied my guitars and then Peter took control again. The show continued for 3 hrs. I put my heart into the guitars. I realized that I was overstraining my injured left hand. But I ignored the thought. This was for Peter. I was also sure that mom would be listening to it from somewhere. So I had to give the best of myself. On the final tone, Peter started the song "Mama said"..

Mama, she has taught me well..Told me when I was young..
Son, your life's an open book, Don't close it b'fore it's done?
The brightest flame burns quickest, Is what I heard her say
A son's heart's owned to mother, But I must find my way..
Let my heart go, Let your son grow..Mama, let my heart go...
Or let this heart be still, yeah still.....

The crowd were mesmerized by the melody and depth of the lyrics..Everything was fine expect for the strange pain that got worsened since the start of the show..I ignored the pain and sketched my mother in the heart and played the guitar harder.."Peter continued"..

Mama, now I'm coming home, I'm not all you wished of me..
But a mother's love for her son, Unspoken, help me be..
Yeah, I took your love for granted,And all the things you said to me, yeah..
I need your arms to welcome me, But a cold stone's all I see..
Let my heart go, Let your son grow..
Mama, let my heart go, Or let this heart be still..

The pain got worse..The vein was cutting open..Fresh blood wet the guitar and fell on the stage..The crowd were totally absorbed into the guitars..I remembered the warmth of my mom's hug and realized that she was no more..I shed silent tears..I felt the pain of the cut but it was incomparable to the pain that my heart was experiencing..I ignored it again and strained it further..This song is for my mommy and I won't ruin it even if it takes my life..I played the guitar harder than ever..Peter continued till the end..

Never I ask you, But never I gave..
But you gave me your emptiness, I now take to my grave..
Never I ask of you, But never I gave
But you gave me your emptiness, I now take to my grave
So let this heart be still....

The song had come to an end..So did my agony of losing mom..I helplessly fell down on the stage wondering if mama liked the song..Before I could give a second thought to it, I realized I was passing out..The last thing I remembered was the shout of the excited crowd..By the time, I opened my eyes again, "I SAW MY MOM APPLAUDING"..


I carefully sat on the wooden bench in the park with a cup of coffee in my hands staring at the crimson sunset..Sssss...The sip of coffee stimulated my hormones..It triggered too many emotions within me..

Sip 1: I was eight, playing cricket with dad..I couldn't even grip the heavy bat but still I won the game after dad gave me ten chances to bat..

Sip 2: I was fourteen..A kiddo learning biology..I was brainwashed by my friends about Life process-3 and the hormonal changes that take place in guys and girls..I looked at girls with a boy's eyes..

Sip 3: I was seventeen, cuddling across the couch with my beloved, tickling her hair, sharing intimate emotions, forgetting that the world had existed..We were in love..Truly, madly, deeply immersed in an ocean of love..

Sip 4: I was nineteen..It was the day I broke up with her..It was the day my world crashed..It was the day I forgot how to smile..I lost track of time..A part of me was already dead..Was I alive??..I really had no idea..All that was left within me was a complete numbness..

Sip 5: I was 22..Many girls had asked me out..I could never look at these girls with the same eyes with which I had seen her..Dead or alive, she was the only woman for me in this world..I lived with her memories..We still remained to be friends but I hated it..I wished that someone could listen to my silent screams of how much I loved her..Three years passed since we broke up..I grew a lot, so did my love for her..

Sip 6: I was 24..She invited me to her wedding anniversary..For the last time, I went to look at the beautiful face of my beloved..I carved her image deep into my heart with the blades of love..It wasn't an easy task to erase it..In the wedding I saw the bridegroom whisper something into her ears while she meddled with the artistic strands of her curly hair..She was not mine..I could never tickle her beautiful hair again..I cried..I wish I could die..

Sip 7: Two weeks, after her wedding, I attempted for a suicide..I opened my eyes in a hospital and witnessed all my family members in front..Mom said,"You should have killed us all before making an attempt to die..You are the sole reason for us to be alive"..I realized, I was wrong..I always cared for the one I love but gave a damn for the ones who loved me..

Sip 8: I was 27..The marriage ritual started..The girl was mom's choice..A well educated, traditional and beautiful girl..I held her hand to walk around the fire worrying about the fact that I was probably cheating on her..There is no way I could love her..

Sip 9: Six months after the wedding..We went on a honeymoon trip to New Zealand..She tried to connect with me but I could hardly speak to her..She closed in to kiss..I backed off in the midst..It reminded me of my ex..

Sip 10: I was 29..Two years passed since marriage.. By then, I could find a good friend in my wife..One night, resting on my arm, she questioned me, "I have always tried my best to keep you smiling..Why don't you look at me like a woman??..Is there a mistake of mine??..Why don't you love me??"..She wept..I could see the love for me in her tears..This was the moment..I fell in love with her..We kissed and made love..

Sip 11: I was 30..I was the father of a baby girl..I witnessed new love in life..Time flew, She crawled..She stood on her legs..She talked..She walked..She went to school..She shouted, Daadddeeeeee and kissed me but never allowed me to kiss her..She complained that my beard and moustache pricked her beautiful cheeks..

Sip 12: I was 40..I saw my lovable parents growing older..They supported me in every single moment..Now it was time for me to give a shoulder to them to rest upon..My love for them grew hundred fold..

Sip 13: I was 50..I warned the guys who troubled my daughter in matters of love..I felt insecure..My baby understood my feelings..She hugged me and said, "Dad!! you are the only man I love..I am not interested in this love games..Just show me the guy and I will marry him..You always gave me the best in life and I still believe in it..I love you dad.." Tears of joy wet my cheeks..I was a proud that my baby grew up into a woman..

Sip 13: I was 54..My daughter got married to the guy I had shown..She was a blessed child..A gift of god..I was immersed in an ocean of pain, when I acknowledged the fact that she was about to leave me..

Sip 14: I am 65 now..Yesterday night, I had a sweet and memorable, heart to heart chat with my wife..I told her about my ex for the first time..She laughed..We talked about our marriage, our love, our daughter, our 9 yr old grandson who loves us more than anyone else..It was a beautiful moment to share..A gray haired man and a gray haired woman still in love..We both fell into deep sleep..Today morning, I tried to wake her up but she didn't..She was dead already..I am too old and weak now to bear the pain of losing a loved one..She accepted me, she changed me, she loved me with her life and now she is gone..

Sip 15: This old man is totally powerless..I had witnessed enough pleasures and sorrows in life..I bend my head and surrender myself to the force of destiny, awaiting death..Now there is nothing left for me to do..

On the account of the pain and joy that I witnessed in my life, I feel that life is just like having a cup of coffee..Either good or bad, I relish each and every moment of life like a sip of coffee until I realize that "THERE IS NO MORE COFFEE TO SIP"..


The classes got over by 11.40 hrs and I came back to my hostel room..My seminar got cancelled and no more pending works for the day..So I was in a relaxed mood..I just happened to check my mail and then my mood changed drastically..I started raging like a monster looking at a forward and I want to burst out and express the anger and repugnance within..Here I am doing it in my post..

The forward was about MF Hussain and his paintings..This man is a well known artist also called the Picasso of India for his prowess in painting..I never researched on this man but after getting the forward I googl'ed' and saw few of his paintings..I was shocked..The paintings showed his completely negative shades..As the name suggests he is a muslim..He seems to be an extremist who considers Islam as the best and the rest as shit..His pictures show his crystal clear hatred towards Hindus and their culture, hatred towards India and distinguished love for Islam..His pictures depicted immense vulgarity with nude pictures of Hindu gods and goddesses..Well, few might argue that nudity is an art but what bothered me was the vulgarity..A painting of his, portrayed Hindu goddess crossing with a tiger..Other showed a naked brahmin and a fully clad muslim king..And an other showed a naked gandhi with head cut off..Adding to this he also hurt the nation's pride with his art of a naked woman who depicts mother India with various names of states written on various parts of her body..I was almost on the verge of controlling the rage within and finally the rage burst out like champagne when I saw the last picture..In this one, he painted a scene from the holy epic Ramayana wherein a nude Hanuman carries a hill in his hands approaching a nude Seetha resting on the thighs of a nude Ravana..What the fuck man??..What guts does this old moron possesses to display his hatred with audacity..He doesn't have to respect Hinduism but he has got no fucking rights to make a mockery of it..I never felt this much of hatred towards any person in life..How I really wish I could kill the fucking old bastard for his insanity towards Hindustan and hinduism..

What pissed me off was, he never recieved even a single slap for all the crap he has done..It is a pity how reluctant we Hindus are..In an other article I read of a muslim clan going against the government and conducting riots for making a cartoon of prophet Muhammad..The clan also offered 50 crores for the person who could kill the artist..We also saw the christians making a protest in India for releasing "Da-Vinci-Code"..Look at them and look at us..We Hindus lack the love for our culture..We just don't have the fucking guts to protect our self-respect..I don't ask of the Hindus to rally on roads and conduct raids for the attrocities against Hinduism..I only wish that people should respect it..Even if they don't respect it, they can keep the opinion to themselves..They don't have to insult it in public..

People might call me a religious freak after reading the post but I don't care..I consider Hinduism as my mother..I respect other religions as my mother's siblings..If given a chance, I am ready to behead any fucking bastard who insults my mother..My mother is my love..My mother is my pride..She might be tolerant of the attrocities done to her..But as her son, I am not..I speak with audacity and I don't regret this statement.."IN MY OPINION, THE WORLD HAS PRODUCED A PIECE OF SHIT CALLED MF HUSSAIN..I RENAME HIM AS THE M F***ING HUSSAIN..I HATE HIM WITH MY LIFE.."