Tomatoes to Tollywood To Bollywood

I was walking on the roads of Mumbai to fetch tomatoes from the market. A white colored Mercedes Benz stopped by. A man with a moustache got down and asked me if I were interested to act as a heroine in a South Indian film. I said okay, they paid me money, the movie was a hit and I started to realize that I was beautiful, You know, because most of South Indian women are fat.

More offers were coming by. What started with lakhs now started to earn me crores. You know all I do is say “Andriki namashkyaram.. Bagunnnara?” in public events and audio release functions. On the screen it is even simpler, wear short skirts and dance around trees. You know, acting is way too easy! It comes naturally to me!

I slowly realize that the entire south Indian film industry relies on half a dozen heroines which includes me of course, So technically there would be no issues even if I act bitchy. Now, I eat dum biryani from the producer's bill, I take my mom and dad on foreign trips while I go to shoot, I stay only in five star hotels, enjoy luxury and of course I wouldn't pay for any of these. The producer signed me in, inclusive of all these charges right?

One fine day, I get a call from Dhawangiri Pandey Ram Bhatt lal Bazooka who also happens to be a Bollywood producer and offers me a role beside Riteish Deshmukh. Haa! Finally, I feel lucky. Who knows what future holds? In the days ahead, I might even act beside the likes of Shahrukh, Abhishek, Hrithik and others. Fingers crossed. X

Now I start bitching about South Indian Film Industry. I tell to media that I've always belonged to Bollywood, South India was never mine in the first place. My acting skills got me here! Now I am going to rock! YaayYY!

I've decided to act cozy with Riteish, he is my first friend, first hero in Bollywood after all. This, I call it Phase 1. Phase 2 will target chotus like Neil Nitin Mukesh, Shahid Kapoor, John Abraham and phase 3 for the biggies if possible. Hmmm, lets see.

I also add up Abhi, Amitji, and all the big heads of Btown on twitter, say hello to them, call them on festive days, pester them, act nice with their wives and families and finally win their friendship. Now, I am one among them after all.


Okay!  Now the ground is set. From now on, offers should start pouring in from all sides. I am too excited!!!

One... Two... Three..
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Pause...
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Loooooooooong Pause...
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Oh so long? I hope I am not nearing meno pause!

Only three films? No more offers huh? Bitch! That Katrina is sexy after all, every director wants to cast her, If not her it is the runner up bitch Kareena, stealing all the show. Shit! This is a fucked up place already! So what could possibly be my best move now? I am still not started with phase 2 yet with John, Neil and the rest! Hmmm, Never mind....Phase 1 was successful.

*Picks up the phone nearby*

“Hello Rittu! I need to talk"
"Hey Genny! What's up?"
"Honey! I love you!"

And lo! It's happily ever after..

From Tomatoes to Tollywood, Tollywood to Bollywood Ritiesh Deshmukh.

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