Love Ain't Magic

  • So you think you are in love?
  • You think your loved one loves you equally as you do? 
  • How much do looks and outwardly appearence contribute to your notion of true love? 
  • If you think looks are immaterial in true love, would you have fallen in love with same person if you were blind  or if your partner had different looks?  
  • Would you ever considering falling in love with same person if he/she was an ugly duckling who is sexually unappealing? 
  • Do you count the number of times you or your partner kept secrets from each other trying to hide each other's attraction to other members of opposite sex? 
  • How many times have you avoided expressing truth about how you feel just to keep the relationship alive? 
  • Besides being in love, have you never fantasized about how your life could've been with some other person? 
  • Do you have a past? If so, how hard do you try to supress the thoughts of that person in your past?   
  • Having moved on with your life, How many times have you dreamt of your ex and ignored the subconscious phenomena, considering it random or hoax?
  • What do you think will your loved one's reaction be, if you reveal details about the most intimate things of your past love? 
  • If your partner expresses that he/she is okay with your past, Are you certain that it isn't an act of pretension driven by selfish needs unknown to you? 
  • Are you sure that your partner is completely transparent to you?  
  • Do you really know the subtle difference between willingness to love and desperation to own a person? 
  • Do you really believe that your life is going to be an accomplished sorrowless fairy tale if you tie a knot with the one you love? 
  • Are you sure that the fire of love which you experience in the present will not fizz out soon after your wedding?

I have so many questions to people in committed relationships. I agree some of them are merely hypothetical. Nevertheless, questions like this when put to self will provide deep insights into the nature of human bondage and emotions shared in a relationship with a loved one. Most people think that love is some kind of a magical feeling. Yes, it certainly is but also one must realize that love has its terms and conditions. Specially, when it comes to love between a man and woman, it is a hundred fold more complex because of the inherent lust that comes into play. In reality, all the magic and butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling in love is merely a subtle form of lust disguised in a delicate robe. This feeling is so delusive that it never exposes the true nature of lust that is latent within, thus misguiding the bearer that the fallacious magical tingling in the senses, itself is true love as it is unique.  

I don't condemn this magic totally because it is the sole element that differentiates love between a man and a woman from any other form of love. That being said, the biggest mistake that people commit is, they presume this magic as love, which in reality is not so. This magic is only on addon to love shared between a man and woman. The underlying true love is universal just like the love one has for his/her parents. It is uncomplicated and pure without any inhibitions. Unlike the magic, It doesn't come instantaneously but develops over long periods of time. To witness true love, one must take a look at old married couples, who by the grace of time nurture a bond so full of love devoid of all the much hyped magic of their youth. 

These days despite the so called true love that people claim, relationships break up sooner or later. Many a time, even couples being in relationships for longer periods of time also experience differences. Why so? It is purely because they are driven by the magic which is not true love. The magic itself being delusive hits us at a subconscious level and prompts the individuals to act in ways unnatural to their original behavior. For example : When a guy wooing a woman learns of her specific likes and dislikes in music, arts or any other aspect, the magic would involuntarily prompt the guy's mind to subconsciously attune itself in such a way that his likes and dislikes are aligned with that of the woman. Likewise the same applies for the woman too. This sort of a mental illusion follows for long periods of time. In due course of time, the magic fades because it was never real in the first place and people find it too hard to keep their original ideas, likes and dislikes suppressed. Once the original nature of one is evident to the other, they start fighting over the differences with words like, "You were never like this before. I loved the older version of you. You are a changed person now" blah blah blah. (Duh! God bless these troubled souls.)

Unfortunately, this is the fate of relationships today. Even grown ups lack the maturity to understand the nuances of magic vs true love. One thing's for certain. True love doesn't come easy. It is only foolish to consider that true love is an easy catch. True love thrives on sheer bliss. It is synonymous with what you feel on a rainy day sitting in boredom listening to some good music. It is synonymous with what you feel when your mother gives you hot soup to sip when you are down with sickness. It is uncomplicated. It is pure. It is divine. It is unconditional. It neither thrills you nor make you quiver with butterflies in your stomach. It has no expectations except for the well being of the one loved. Does a loving mother expect anything from her child except for the child's being happy?

Dear readers, 

I therefore insist, realize the true love within. Don't mistake magic for love. 
If you are in constant need to be convinced that you are loved, 
Or if you are constantly annoyed with your loved one for not meeting your expectations, 
Or if you think that your loved one can't handle your past,
Or if you feel jealous of imagining him/her happy with someone else, 
Or if you have in your mind that in such and such conditions you might just walk out of the relationship,  Then take it for granted that you've never experienced true love. You are merely smitten by the magic. The delusive magic is barely a passing cloud. True love abides in eternity.

"The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, 
Not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.”
~ Rumi


7 Responses so far.

  1. Unknown says:
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  2. Pooja says:
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  3. Pooja says:

    While I was reading through the questions in the first few lines, It was like a deja vu... I watched that in some movie.. Oh, wait! Orange, Ram Charan poses the same questions!! Everyone is in the same confusion as to what this love is! No one can understand its intricacies. To my understanding, there is nothing called, it is pure choice. Just like out of 50 members in a class, u choose ur best friend, Love is like choosing the best person to share ur life out of all the people you have met, so far! No magic! Break-up's happen either when u find a more better person who sync's with you, or when u learn that this person is not that you actually wanted! Finally it is no love, no magic! It is just like Charles Darwin quoted!

  4. I second every vowel and consonant ;-) in this post! You know what I feel, true love is what is between a mother/ father and a child and the nature of that is the purest form of love and as you also said is unconditional and selfless. But the love that develops between a man and a woman is purely initially outta lust because the first thing we see is the external appearance, unfortunately there is no measure to find out the true nature/ character of the person. And yes, I never saw it this way but it is the magic that keeps it running or the very intention of a constant companionship. Loved this line, "Do you really know the subtle difference between willingness to love and desperation to own a person?" :)) But I guess when it is true love, it would have a magical feeling. And these kids these days that talk about this bullshit teenage love...that’s all just the attraction that they call magic. Ultimately magic is an illusion na! :) It's like a show, you go to a Magic Show or something. How long does that last? LOL. But then I also believe that destiny will ultimately lead us to that person meant for us through whatever means, magic or no magic, affair or no affair. But then I'll tell you what, whether it’s the purest form of love or not, it feels nice to be loved and to know that you are cared for. All your points are valid. AWESOMELY WRITTEN VAMSI!!! :))

  5. Very mature writing Vamsi. Though what you have written may strike hard on some people, it is very true! Especially in this day and age, attraction and lust seem to supercede everything else associated. Having said that, there is also another lens through which you can look at this, the magical feeling as you describe here is a precursor for true love to develop in my opinion. Fact has it that true love evolves and does not strike instantaneously :) A very nice read. Keep it up! :)

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  7. This makes sence, but crazy at the same time but to love some one or to be in a relationship are 2 different things yet, it is a choice we make. To fall out of Love is also a Choice. Thats why relationships must be uplifted. Its all about bringing each other higher in life! Reaching for the unaspected, a new dimantion....Ever heard lover said, you gave me something no one has ever done? Well, don't stop giving, keep reaching!

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